i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
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