Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
