I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
