he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
