he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
