Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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