Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
