You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
