ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize