Three words: puerto rican gang bang
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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