is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
