Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
