just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
