You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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