if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
