Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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