We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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