he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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