i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize