I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm too high and old for this...
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize