hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
it's like heaven, but drunker
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
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