so that wasnt chicken after all
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
