Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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