If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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