I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
