Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
