Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
is that a dick in a sweater?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
