Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
