It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
