rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
