My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
it's great music for shaving your balls
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
