is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize