My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
