she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
