I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
