please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
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