Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
