Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm lost and stupid without you.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
why do cheetos always look like penises
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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