this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Holy shit dude........stairs
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