i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Randomize
