Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Randomize
