A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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