Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
