I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize