why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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