thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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