you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
