No stitches, just platelets and will power
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
