dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
