the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
