It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
