I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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