I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
