There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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