Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
