literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
