I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
