I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
