Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
