If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
