problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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