Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
