I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Randomize
