Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
