I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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