I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
