im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
