I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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