is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
