I got her a Nickelback box set.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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