Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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