I'm eating all of the evidence.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Randomize
