Pregnant stripper...not hot.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
