I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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