Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
