I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
